Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Faith- A Zephyr or a Rock is Faith- No less

Only 18 days ago, it seems like a month at least, a fellow tweep asked me: "and what is Faith as you see it?" Not sure if that is verbatum, went to go find the actual tweet but there are 1000s between then and now. My answer to said question seems quite esoteric now I look at it. I favorited that bit, my vanity?

My answer was..

"Faith, in that deepest yearning, that it is connected to an essential force beyond life..." "Beyond life, not separate from, but a part of our tangible life. Pure joy, bliss not striven for, sorry Im not sure I understand more.."
This tweep was actually the final inspiration that lead to this blog and it was directly this very subject, that inspired him to ask if I blogged and that he would like to read me if I do.
I do not know what faith is I believe I have it to a degree but then I find it fleeting and so intangible as to be of no use at times. I think everyone is essentially searching for that substance to fill a void inherent to humanity. Maybe that is where faith resides and we may need to let go of substance in order to acquire and retain 'faith'.
This is my 4th post and I havent been purposely avoiding this topic 'really', it is just a tough one. I have no concrete answers, I have no religion, what I have is the feeling that it is as it should be. Try telling that to someone who's loved one is dying, or someone who is about to jump. It won't help them at all. However I am not here to talk others into anything. I know only how I feel and why I came to feel/think that way. *I had saved this to drafts and am only now completing for publish. Its serious shit! so haste was not the goal.* 17/10/09
I think I have had the 'feeling' of Faith, since I was a child. I remember one night, us kids were sleeping in a tent out in the back yard, I was 6 yrs old. I looked up into the starry night and thought, I miss you, I want to come home, why did you send me here.
So you see I have been insane all my life.
I guess the most tangible way to tackle faith, would be through religion. I so dont want to offend, but hey if you dont like, you can always leave. I have not been christened or baptised. I am the oldest of 5 and we were bought up by Mum. I did attend Sunday School, as a child. I also had a grandfather figure in my life, who was very religious, christian. It was he who took us to Sunday School. Anyway I spent alot of time with him and experienced his faith first hand, it was joyful and scary and totally mad. But he did manage to ease my growing pains through prayer, well it seemed that way.
He was faithful to the end, refusing surgery that would see him mobile again.
This gave me more reason to hate God.
Throughout my life, I like a spoilt child cursed the creator, many times.
Same old, if there is a God why is there unceasing war in the Holy Land. Why are people randomly killing one another in his name? Why are people starving? Why are we going insane? Yada yada. Why?
Well my opinion has changed over the years, gone back and forth, stagnated and reignited. I have looked through different literature and seen how different people choose to worship 'their' God. The fact that there is ownership over the Almighty amuses me, as does the idea that he is man or perceived to be the form of man. The literature is however beautiful.
As I mentioned I use to hate God or the idea of.. I even tried to deny him but this feeling deep inside, caused me such pain, when I did. Then I had a child, and that bought a new level to the 'feeling'. Birth is a most painful experience but as soon as baby is out, the pain is of no consequence. It just seems miraculous, go for a drug free birth if it is safe to, it's beautiful.
So I start thinking, oh I got what I asked for thank you. Inwardly thanking something I did not understand but felt was right.
Bring in the heavys I got into a relationship, not with my sons father. But with this guy, who's mind I fell in love with, he was astounding and he looked great too. It was the toughest relationship yet.
Long story short he helped me connect deeper with my faith.
It is my opinion that I have evolved through this life time quite considerably. I am still fighting demons of doubt and my cardinal urge. I think religion is a good platform for spirituality. A place to start searching for your truth. I dont want to be tied to any organisation that boxes it all neat and tidy, and professes to know it all. It is not just religious scripture either, science is also part and parcel of our whole understanding. Faith is there for one and all I believe, you either want to know or not.
To enjoy the material is not wrong it makes us who we are and who we become. Indulge the senses, submerge yourself in your desires, learn and grow. Love and keep loving.
Q? "What is Faith as you see it?"

"Faith: that feeling that you are connected, deeply, to something not tangible. But without our physical body, it may not be able to be felt at all. The love that overwhelms your heart. The feeling that you are not alone." Nonsense Mostly Mine.

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