I have been single for nearly four years now. The last relationship was the 'best and worst' I have ever had. During that relationship and since then, it has fascinated me to watch people, and how they interact with each other.
When in that tough relationship one of the many books I read was the novel, The Celestine Prophecy, that it itself was cause for contention in that relationship. Apparently, according to 'him', guys gave that book to chicks to get into their pants, and even though my brother's girlfriend had given it to me, I was still suspect in receiving the gift.
Anyway back to the point, in The Celestine Prophecy they talk about 'energy' and how we all struggle for more of this 'energy'. The most common way people obtain this energy is to take it from other people. Like sometimes you can walk into a room and feel loved and welcomed, these people are giving 'energy' love. Then you can walk into a place and feel as though you are not wanted there, these are withholding 'energy'. Even individual meetings can produce either effect.
So with this 'novel' information ingrained in my brain, I started watching and 'feeling' how people interact with each other. I also saw, how I could effect this interaction 'energy' in a positive/negative way. I observed the power struggle between many different peoples in many different types of relationships. It does appear that we strive for dominance on some level, even the passive servile type, in their own special way.
I started observing my family and how we ribbed each other, and quite obviously strived for the most witty and most intelligent come back. We get quite carried away with this, and it is quite a rush when we are all together. But when some one was down, we all seemed to fade with them, and the atmosphere became suffocating, depressing, and leaching.
I started paying special attention to how my mood affected people. Then consciously started using positivity, and feeling love, towards people to change sad situations. It seemed to work. But watching people in intimate relationships was interesting, seeing the exchange of energies sometimes a battle, sometimes a gift of love. I can understand why we need to connect with others physically and emotionally and how sharing our 'energy' is crucial for our own health.
At the moment someone I love is battling in a relationship, I feel for them and I hope it all works out. I question whether it is possible to have a balanced relationship. I wonder is it not better to give love to all those in your life and maybe have a lover? In my last relationship he wanted my everything, mind, body and spirit. Is it even something another should demand of someone? Should it, in a truly loving bond just naturally flow over to the other person? I dont know?
Well I have had a casual relationship, it was okay. Sometimes I got confused in my feelings, though meeting his parents and loving them may have contributed to my confusion. I know I should not pre-empt the future, but the examples of togetherness I witness do not inspire in me, a desire to be a part of one.
God I depress myself!
Okay love is the greatest gift to give and receive. Maybe one day I can give it exclusively, time will tell.
Love to my bro all the best!!!